Creativity and Mental health
For many years now, I have wanted to take steps towards starting creative writing.
I used to love being creative when I was younger and would create whole worlds and scenarios and play them out.
I find nowadays it’s a lot harder to do. Almost insurmountably so some times. Where do I get ideas? Is the idea too close to something already out there? Am I just copying someone else’s idea? Why can’t I come up with anything original. The list of issues and problems going around my head seems never ending.
I’ve not made a secret that officially for the last 16 years, and unofficially for quite some time prior to that, I’ve lived and suffered with depression and social anxiety.
I also chose an initial career path with logic and formality where key. Not much room for imagination when trying to code software is there?
In a lot of ways, I feel like I’ve trained myself out of being creative.
The thing is, I think my creative side is still very much present and trying to break free (so to speak).
I larp, I paint, I roleplay. I can come up with weird little things on the fly.
So I think the spark is there. But it feels like it’s guttering and struggling to stay alight.
My depression and ‘brain weasels’ don’t help.
At times, everything I try doesn’t seem good enough or ‘right’.
Though it begs the question What is right? What is wrong? Especially in the creative sphere.
I seem to need to have everything perfect and have that confirmed by multiple parties.
But you know what?
I’m trying.
And that’s what counts I think. It may take a thousand more steps for each little thing, but even a tiny victory is a tiny victory.
Even if I am battling against myself.
1 Monkey, 1 Keyboard 